Bunny

So for awhile now I’ve missed having a bunny. I miss Jack, the bunny I was closest to who died. And in general I’ve just missed having a furry companion. I had a cat that didn’t work out (although now looking back I think maybe I should have kept the cat as an outdoor kitty), but I still miss having a furry friend. I used to have bunnies, but Jack died and the others I gave up. I was going to be moving to my inlaws for deployment and it would have been a logistical nightmare to keep them all, not to mention the damage they were doing to my house with their territorial spraying. The problem was they pair bonded, but not as a whole group, so some of them were always at odds with others and marking territory and refusing to litter train. I wanted to keep at least one, but since they all bonded to at least one other bunny (there were five) it was impossible to keep just one without breaking up a bonded group. So I felt like I was between a rock and a hard place, and I gave them up, but I kept them together in their bonded groups. But I miss them and I think about them and hope they’re doing well.

Bunnies have been on my mind, and I finally decided to take the plunge and try having a bunny one more time. I used to really enjoy having bunnies before I took on too many to handle, and I’m wondering if it won’t be a lot easier to litter train and manage one bunny as opposed to multiples. I also wonder if all bunnies are as destructive as some of the ones I had before (Jack wasn’t destructive, just old and incontinent) and if I might have lucked out with a less destructive, equally cuddly bunny at the much more manageable (hopefully!) number of one.

So here is our new bunny, tentatively named Parsnip. He’s been chilling on the sofa with me this evening and has even been patient with the Angelica’s high energy and exuberance. Thus far I like him. He has a sweet disposition, and he is as calm and relaxed as he is playful and fun. At 7 weeks old, he’s still a baby and quite small. Because of this it may be too early to know his nature, but what I see at this point is really quite encouraging. He’s patient, kind, and companionable.

Talk about adorable:

Macaroni and Cheese, Moana, Mom and Dad

Yesterday I went over to my parents’ house and I spent ended up spending the night. Angelica slept on the sofa and I slept in the twin bed in the guest room. We had a great time. I went with Dad to Home Depot to get parts for the garbage disposal he was replacing, and then I hung out with Mom.  Mom made her signature gourmet macaroni and cheese bake with bread crumbs. Divine.  It was so good I had more for lunch today.

Last night we rented Moana and watched it together. I’d never let Angelica watch it before because of the demigod in it, but after going over some Christian reviews with my Mom I decided to let her try it. It was a great little movie. Good graphics and good music. Moana was a sweet, strong character.

Craig and I had a good conversation. He called at about 10. It feels so good to hear his voice. It almost makes him feel a little less far away. One week down on this mini deployment.

After the movie we went to bed and I slept like a rock. I didn’t wake up til 11:20! My mom and dad took care of Angelica and let me sleep, even taking her to Target for new clothes. When I woke up, and after they got home, I went back out to Target with my Mom and then I came home and hung out for a little while. I’ve since headed home and here I am taking a break from house cleaning. Angelica is with my parents to spend the night again. She was so happy to be staying with them. Angelica adores spending time with my parents.

My parents are so good to Angelica and love spending time with her. They always do a lot for her and she looks forward to seeing them, begging me to take her over there on the days we are staying home just the two of us. She misses them when we go home.

I love spending time with my parents too. I’m reconnecting with them. I would have stayed another night, but I needed to go home and take my day meds and also I wanted a little time to myself to dream and create and clean.  I’m someone who likes a lot of down time at home, and it is nice that to know Angelica is having a fabulous time with my parents while I’m getting that alone time. My parents and Angelica have become so close. I really love my parents, and so does Angelica, and I regret the time lost with them.

Numb

Yesterday I got a massage, but by the end of the massage instead of feeling good I felt low. I’ve been numb ever since. I just don’t feel like myself and I am not enjoying myself or getting things done, and I’m having dark thoughts. I need to pull myself out of this before it becomes a full blown depression. I’m not in pain, so that’s good. I’m just numb.

I always have a hard time dealing with Craig’s underways and I think it is just catching up to me. It is a lot of loneliness and change. I don’t do well with either one.

I could feel a lot worse, but I am definitely sliding downward.  Everything is taking way more effort than it should.

In the hopes of making sure today isn’t a total loss, I’m making a list of things I need and want to do and I’m going to see if I can get to all of them. So far it is 3:30 and I’ve already taken a shower, made lunch, and done a load of dishes. Not an amazingly productive day, but could be a lot worse.

So here’s my list

-read Scripture

-take a hot bath

-play some educational games with Angelica

-get the toys picked up

-put away the laundry in the dryer

-read

Hopefully this list will give me the accountability to actually do some of these things.

22 Pounds of Wishes

I have 22 pounds of wishes hidden among the weeping wisteria.

The flowers by the pond have been melancholy a long time.

I drink with them.

Look at Lily’s tattoos.

Kind of abstract, don’t you think?

I’ve been told some people are really into that.

But the roses and I share the best laughs because we know it is not about pattern

but all about color and that soft, sweet texture on the fingerpads.

Meanwhile the snapdragons do deep, twisted math at the waters edge

and I drop a wish in the water.