Tag Archives: life

Barbed Wire

Usually people come up with grand goals on New Years, most of which they will discard by the end up the month. I might set New Years goals as well, but right now Christmas is inspiring me to do better.

I need to be kinder. I will always have a backbone of steel. I am still the Lisa that people know and love (or hate). I will, however, try to be kinder to people in a variety of settings. I need to restrain my tongue basically. That doesn’t mean I will accept abuse. It may seem that I reiterate that entirely too much, but past experiences have taught me to stand strong. There are many wolves who seek to devour, to destroy.

I need to draw closer to the good people in my life, many of whom I have been distrustful of, and occasionally hostile too. I need to get into fewer political arguments. I will vote my conscience and you will vote yours. Unless the setting is designed for debate, I will stay out of it. That doesn’t mean I will hide what I think, but there is no need to be aggressive about it.

I need to emanate goodness. Sometimes people show me that goodness. I would rather be like them.

My life is cleaner now. It is time for a change. My circumstances have changed, and I no longer need as much acerbic language and a heart behind a wall.

This may allow me to be more myself than I ever have been in my life. I don’t believe I have to live as an emotional refugee behind barbed wire, shooting off proverbial guns anymore. I want to be the person I should be. I want God to look at my life and be pleased.

I want to make people happy. I need to learn to trust, though it goes against everything in me. Everyone needs someone they can count on to care for them, and I want friends and strangers alike to feel they can come to me.

If you need help, whether it is words of encouragement or company in the hard, glittery nights of winter, call me or come to my house. Text me or send me a message on Facebook. If you need anything else, reach out. There are so many people I wish I had gotten closer to, but shyness and emotion got in the way.

I am going to try hard. If you see something in me that crosses the line between opinionated and harsh, tell me. If you see a lack of charity in me, call me out. Whether you are someone I hang out with now, or an old friend or schoolmate, reach out to me for any reason at all. Don’t be shy.

This may be a long road with difficulties and stumbles, but I am diving in to do my best. Not just for me, but more importantly for God and the people around me. I have tried to be gentler in the past, but this is so much more than that. This is about taking my heart and burning away the dross to get to the gold.

Birthday!

Yesterday Craig took me out on a pre birthday date. We grabbed Taco Bell with a gift card we have been saving. We hit Michael’s and Craig bought me a couple of boxes of Martha Stewart glitter. She’s making glitter again! Martha Stewart always made the best glitter.

I stopped at a Catholic church to take photos, but sadly it was shut. I plan to start doing church photography again.

I got myself an awesome Polaroid 1 Step Plus. So cool! Photo journaling! It has an app that allows you to do double exposure and light painting, as well as set sound triggers. Has a lot of options with that beautiful Polaroid look. The big thing will be buying enough film! Oh and you charge it. No battery changing.

Later we are having Caccio e Pepe and cake. Craig got me a brand new Ecosphere! It will be delivered when things warm up.

I’m 31.

Life in General

There is a new blessing in my life. I hit it off with another mother from Angelica’s school. Friends are gifts, and as an adult they are hard to find.

Angelica did her assessment at the speech clinic and passed with flying colors.

I have begun to read the chapter about evil (origins, definition, occurrence etc) in “Unshakable Foundations.” It is a really methodical book – careful and well argued book to prove God and His nature.

Halloween

Our little dinosaur went trick or treating. It was well below freezing. I love cold weather, but still that’s a lot for a kid. She got tons of loot though.

I have two novels in verse that I’m working on. It is rough going. I am not a novelist, and poetry in such a long format is an interesting challenge for me.

This morning, while I still could, I got a massage. My glutes and shoulders were awful, and I know why.

Our sofa, which is less than a year old, is falling apart. Back rest cushions are saggy. Worst of all, the cushions you sit on are sinking so badly that we list like ships. Right now we have boards under the seats. This can’t go on forever.

Snow Days

Snow is luxurious. I admit it wasn’t fun to drive on when I took Angelica to school today, but I love it nonetheless. Today it will start snowing again and continue to snow through the evening. Halloween will likely be in the single digits for Trick or Treating. That part does suck. Hopefully my little dinosaur will stay warm in that big costume.

The girl who cleans for us was just here, and am so glad she could come before the next snow storm.

Yesterday an adorable bunny found shelter on our front porch by hunkering down next to a column. It gave him a bit of a wind break, a break from being snowed on, and a break from standing on it.

Since school was cancelled yesterday, we had to do instruction at home. I am of the mind that kids should just have fun on snow days, but evidently the school is not. After a few hours of work though she finally got to go sledding with some friends.

I am grateful for these cold, white days.

Major Overshares – Aspie Style

I am (despite my longing for a solitary house with a gun rack by the door and a no trespassing sign) friendly. I am also an Aspie. I sometimes have fewer boundaries than other people.

Recently I was passing through the gate to get home and I had some big bags of candy I had just bought on the front. I bought them because I was manic. I don’t normally spend 16 dollars on candy. The gate guard noticed, and I almost said, “I’m manic!”

Quickly, in the back of my mind, I thought, “Don’t tell him something so personal.”

So I yelled, “It’s my time of the month!”

I am always like that. I get up to a register and the tired, fed up woman behind it says, “How are you today?”

Then I proceed to tell her. “I have a headache, but I am really hoping to relax on the porch swing today. My bad ankle hurts and my meds aren’t working. But I am watching a marathon of Toddlers and Tiaras!”

No one is prepared for that.

I don’t have the filter in my mouth that I would be more likely to have if I was neurotypical. Sometimes it is fun. People probably think I’m nuts, but they warm up to me and I can be really good at fostering relationships that are open and honest. Other times it throws people for a loop and they run away. I try to turn off the Asperger’s part of myself, but it’s hard.

7 Years

I didn’t get around to writing about it, but the 3rd marked 7 years Craig and I have been married. It has been 7 wonderful years that I feel blessed to have had. My husband and our daughter are God’s greatest gifts to me.

Angelica was in school. I took the day easy. We like to celebrate, but we just got back from a trip the night before, and I just wasn’t up to doing much. The previous Thursday though, we went to the cafe we like and then went to REI for hiking gear for Craig and Angelica.