Tag Archives: Depression

Not Leaving the House

I got Angelica’s speech and tutoring appointments rescheduled. I am not leaving the house. Worn out. Very tired. Depressed.

While I am at home I hope to revise some of my poetry and get it ready. I am trying to clear my head.

I am tired. I am depressed. I need to isolate even if just for 1 day. I will definitely be eating at home tonight, because I don’t feel up to doing so much as the Taco Bell drive through. The only way I am going out at all is if my husband needs me to bring him lunch at work.

Merry Christmas!

Angelica enjoying her Light Bright for the first time.

Merry Christmas to all of you. I hope you are having a beautiful day with family and friends. I hope your fellowship is warm. Enjoy this special day celebrate the Son of God come to Earth in the flesh. I love you all.

If you are alone this Christmas and want to talk, whether you celebrate Christmas or not, send me an email at McLemores0903@gmail.com

I would be glad to talk.

Trying to Raise My Mood

Now is the time to put my new planner to the test. I was doing pretty well this morning. We did homeschool lessons, I painted with Angelica, I did housework Etc. I was productive and really enjoying myself. Then I started my afternoon low. Now I’m trying to come back. I feel like my soul slipped out between my fingers. I’m staring at the TV. It’s one of my favorite shows. I still feel like a piece of myself has been rended in a shredder. Somehow I need to get off the sofa.

Moods

Seaweed, moss, flowing in the undercurrent.

Water seeps under

My door.

 

 

Careful,

I have bled for this thought.

Triangular thought in taupe.

 

Taupe does not belong me,

An alien that invaded my ear.

 

Oh the extraterrestrial voices I hear.

 

 

The current pulls me out the door into the creek,

Leaving my husk behind.

 

The taupe triangular alien adrift

In my rust scented blood cells.

 

Depression

The cessation of Fire

in me is like a white wall of Holy cold.

I manufacture crosses.

I carry most of them.

Others I strap to my man and my baby.

Suffering sleeps at the end of my bed,

takes up space.

drives me away in the middle of the night.

Sometimes I drive to a gold mine and wish for another God

if I cannot have another me.

Depression and Anxiety

I had a hard weekend. Saturday it was difficult to get and stay out of bed. Sunday was slightly better, as I was able to go out to lunch with my husband and daughter, but I still struggled with depression and anxiety all day. I haven’t been doing well since I was in the hospital, but the situation became more acute this weekend.

Now I am taking double doses of Prozac and waiting for my new antidepressant to arrive. This past summer I was on Prozac but asked to switch to something else because I felt like it was burning out. I wanted to switch to trintellix but initially balked at the price because it’s not fully covered by insurance, so I went on Zoloft instead. For me taking Zoloft is a lot like eating Skittles.

So when I realized last week that the Zoloft just wasn’t going to kick in and do anything I called my doctor back and requested a prescription for the trintellix. But to save money I’m getting it through Express Scripts Pharmacy and they are taking forever to fill it. They got the order last Wednesday and it is now Monday and they still haven’t filled my order so nothing’s even in the mail yet. So I’m just hanging out with my old Prozac, since it’s better than Zoloft, and waiting.

Everything feels like it takes so much energy when I am like this. Getting out of bed, brushing my teeth and my hair, driving, housework… The list goes on.