Category: Uncategorized

Water

Look up water.

See what books,

so fearful of the subject,

refuse to stay.

Flowers gasp to stay afloat.

His desires spirit him away.

His desire to finger the piano,

her

with or without her face.

The touch of her mind on the water

regal red.

Life and I do not care who we have.

He is

crunched afterbirth.

Bunny

So for awhile now I’ve missed having a bunny. I miss Jack, the bunny I was closest to who died. And in general I’ve just missed having a furry companion. I had a cat that didn’t work out (although now looking back I think maybe I should have kept the cat as an outdoor kitty), but I still miss having a furry friend. I used to have bunnies, but Jack died and the others I gave up. I was going to be moving to my inlaws for deployment and it would have been a logistical nightmare to keep them all, not to mention the damage they were doing to my house with their territorial spraying. The problem was they pair bonded, but not as a whole group, so some of them were always at odds with others and marking territory and refusing to litter train. I wanted to keep at least one, but since they all bonded to at least one other bunny (there were five) it was impossible to keep just one without breaking up a bonded group. So I felt like I was between a rock and a hard place, and I gave them up, but I kept them together in their bonded groups. But I miss them and I think about them and hope they’re doing well.

Bunnies have been on my mind, and I finally decided to take the plunge and try having a bunny one more time. I used to really enjoy having bunnies before I took on too many to handle, and I’m wondering if it won’t be a lot easier to litter train and manage one bunny as opposed to multiples. I also wonder if all bunnies are as destructive as some of the ones I had before (Jack wasn’t destructive, just old and incontinent) and if I might have lucked out with a less destructive, equally cuddly bunny at the much more manageable (hopefully!) number of one.

So here is our new bunny, tentatively named Parsnip. He’s been chilling on the sofa with me this evening and has even been patient with the Angelica’s high energy and exuberance. Thus far I like him. He has a sweet disposition, and he is as calm and relaxed as he is playful and fun. At 7 weeks old, he’s still a baby and quite small. Because of this it may be too early to know his nature, but what I see at this point is really quite encouraging. He’s patient, kind, and companionable.

Talk about adorable:

Numb

Yesterday I got a massage, but by the end of the massage instead of feeling good I felt low. I’ve been numb ever since. I just don’t feel like myself and I am not enjoying myself or getting things done, and I’m having dark thoughts. I need to pull myself out of this before it becomes a full blown depression. I’m not in pain, so that’s good. I’m just numb.

I always have a hard time dealing with Craig’s underways and I think it is just catching up to me. It is a lot of loneliness and change. I don’t do well with either one.

I could feel a lot worse, but I am definitely sliding downward.  Everything is taking way more effort than it should.

In the hopes of making sure today isn’t a total loss, I’m making a list of things I need and want to do and I’m going to see if I can get to all of them. So far it is 3:30 and I’ve already taken a shower, made lunch, and done a load of dishes. Not an amazingly productive day, but could be a lot worse.

So here’s my list

-read Scripture

-take a hot bath

-play some educational games with Angelica

-get the toys picked up

-put away the laundry in the dryer

-read

Hopefully this list will give me the accountability to actually do some of these things.

22 Pounds of Wishes

I have 22 pounds of wishes hidden among the weeping wisteria.

The flowers by the pond have been melancholy a long time.

I drink with them.

Look at Lily’s tattoos.

Kind of abstract, don’t you think?

I’ve been told some people are really into that.

But the roses and I share the best laughs because we know it is not about pattern

but all about color and that soft, sweet texture on the fingerpads.

Meanwhile the snapdragons do deep, twisted math at the waters edge

and I drop a wish in the water.

 

Sweet Blue West

The sweet blue west calls me.

A vision of endless land is seared into my eyes.

Why take this seasick sailor

and set her in the lovelorn Prairie

where emptiness is everything

and loneliness is nothing,

only to drop her from a thunderous cloud

in a crowded coastal city

to drown?

Collision

Today I was hit almost head on by someone heading in the opposite direction on 168. I was at the light waiting to turn and she was starting to drive after her light turned green and something in her car fell and she bent down to look for it and veered out of her lane and right into me. The car seems to be drive-able, but I haven’t had to take it far. I’m worried my AC may have been damaged, but time will tell. We stood outside for two hours waiting for the state trooper to arrive.

The lady was nice, said it was her first accident. She was an older woman. It sucks that now I have to take the car in and get it fixed when it just got out of the body shop from the accident we were in back in May. This has already been a rough summer for that car.

My mom came down in case we needed help getting home and she hung out with us for awhile. She has since left and I’m letting Angelica spend tonight and tomorrow night over at my parents’ house. I want her to get to spend extra time with them now that it is summer and my mom is on summer break.

As for me, I’ll just be relaxing tonight. I might watch a movie. I know I’m going to read before Craig calls. I’ll study the Bible. I might take a hot bath. I might write. I feel lonely without Craig or Angelica, but it will be nice to have some time to myself and I’m so glad she’s getting extra time with my parents.