Tag Archives: thinspiration

Painting My Way Skinny

Today I worked at the new art studio in my laundry room. I’m now going to try to learn to do abstract painting on top of writing poetry. The more creative outlets the better. But one thing I am secretly hoping to accomplish is to improve my chances of having a successful diet by engaging in as many creative and interesting hobbies as I can. I sort of fell out of the habit of my diet while I was with my parents. I still stayed pretty strict and I didn’t gain any weight, but I didn’t lose very much weight either even though I was there for 2 weeks. I had been making tremendous progress in two week periods. But I got out of routine and now I’m hungry again and having to learn to deal with that. But I’ve really enjoyed seeing my progress as I have gotten Slimmer and I don’t want to lose that progress. So maybe what I need something to replace food. Something to focus my mind on when food isn’t a possibility. Sometimes I write, but if you’re too preoccupied by a given subject sometimes you end up writing about it, which isn’t helpful in this case. I read, which definitely helps. But maybe I need something more. Something I can do with my hands and get involved with. It’s not why I’m starting to paint. But I am hoping it will be an added benefit.

There is a common misconception out there that fat people are depressed and miserable. It simply isn’t true. The happiest years of my life have been the fattest. However, when you reach the point where you want to lose weight it is good to have as many good things in your life as possible to distract you from eating. A loving family and a beautiful home certainly help, but they don’t distract you from putting food in your mouth. In fact you’re more likely to end up eating when you’re hanging out with your family. But having things to do can be a distraction and can add greater fulfillment. I’ve never been an emotional eater, but I probably am more likely to eat more if I am bored. I never feel bored but sometimes I feel less than stimulated than others and maybe it’s good to have some sort of outlet and some goals. Rather than focusing on what I am not doing, eating, I need to focus on something that I am doing. I think getting back on track my productivity planner once Craig goes back to work will also help with this. But I need to be strict to get back into good habits. And who knows. Maybe having a new creative outlet will improve my chances.

Pro Ana Eating Disorder Websites, AKA Thinspiration

Olivia

 

Bridges of rubber band

of twine                                               do not bend under your emptiness

the handsomeness of starvation, of Ana has you blind.

She is a surgeon

She will remove you piece-mail.

I am collecting the hair that falls exhausted from your head,

to bind a textbook,

a book I will write in your name about control

having it and losing it and needing it

and the freeing beauty of being human, of need, the pleasantry of a satisfied hunger.

Let shame bleed out under the table.

This is your body. This thinly flowing soup your blood.

 

This is our last supper.

Dine.

*There was a time in my life where I used to pour over pro Ana, thinspiration websites. I bookmarked pictures of girls so thin their bones would show and would use those photographs as inspiration not to eat the next time I was hungry. The pro anorexia world is dark, lonely, and evil and I feel pain for the girls and women who are lost in its vortex.