Except please don’t.
In my devotional it talks about telling the Lord you are willing to go where He wants to send you.
Wherever He wants to send me it must involve the military since I married to a guy in the Navy. I don’t know where exactly God wants me, whether it’s another city or some place in town that I should be. Either way I don’t feel as willing as I should. Part of that is that I just like where I am. I like my life and routine. I like where I live. Truthfully I have no desire to do or live any differently.
I go through periods of time where I would be thrilled to step up and do something for God. And then I go through times like this, the spring and the summer and their problems, and I don’t want to be sent anywhere. Sometimes I wonder if there are things you’re supposed to do from your home. Or at least people very near to you. I don’t believe that God wants everyone to be a missionary. At all times though you must be willing to say “Here am I. Send me.”
God please keep me here. I am having more good days lately. I am willing to go where you want to send me. Please keep me here. Often times my posts on faith are my way of working through thoughts as much as they are writing down my opinions and scriptural interpretations.
Please, if it is your will, let me stay here. If it is your will that I go someplace new, please don’t crush me with it.
Lately I have done very little veiling. At this point I am conflicted. Do I go back to using daily discipline to wear my veils? Or do I take some time off and reevaluate?
It has been hot lately and I haven’t wanted anything else on my head. Lame excuse but it’s true. While it doesn’t get as hot and miserable here as it does back in the Southeast, we are still adjacent to the prairie and it does get pretty hot on bad days. I dread having anything else on my head.
Then there is the issue of being sick. I began to fall off the wagon with my head covering when I started not feeling well. The summer has been a mix of not feeling well mentally and not feeling well physically. Sometimes both of them suck. Other times I might feel fantastic mentally but physically I feel like crap. Or vice versa. And as a result I just want to go out of the house and not worry about it.
I need to dive back into the verses of the word that cover head covering. I started wearing head coverings as a symbol of submission to my husband and God, as well as a reminder to submit to them. I do feel like I’ve made great strides with those things. Especially with submitting to my husband. I still have days where I am kind of willful and difficult to deal with, but by and large I accept my husband’s decisions. I contribute to them obviously, but I accept them. I admire my husband’s leadership and I want him to lead me and our daughter and set the direction for our household. The question is do I need to continue wearing the head covering daily if I am accomplishing these skills? Would it be best to save them and then begin wearing them again if I realize that I have fallen off the wagon and I’m not doing what I should be doing?
Also, my husband likes to see my hair.
Spiritual practices do not become superfluous because someone does not feel like having the disciplined pursue them. If I need to wear a veil please God then I should continue to do so. I am just not sure what the holy spirit is telling me. Whatever the holy spirit says, the holy spirit will not contradict the Bible.
Two things stand out to me in this post the most. The first is that God takes Mercy on us because we are the ones he created and he wants to see us do well. God’s goal is not to see us demolished. The second thing that really stood out to me is the very end where it says there are no places of respite for the wicked.
I am the wicked. I do not pray. God knows I need to, that not only do I need to offer prayers for those around me, but that I need prayer myself.
God, deliver me from my thoughts of dying. From being stranded from my own mind. From looming larger than color.
God knows best that I need rest. Sleep. Equilibrium. I am searching for my Lectio Divina book. Until then, God please help me. You know the trouble I have been in.
Just as a quick note, I am invigorating my spiritual life. I have a new devotional. Moreover, I am going to start reading and studying the apocryphal books of the Bible. Having predominantly been protestant, I was almost an adult before I knew any of these books existed. Now I want to study the books, and also see why they were removed. If they are Holy, I can learn from them. If they aren’t, I pray I can discern the difference.
Candles in a church in Rome. Our prayers light the darkest recesses.
I have been conforming to the world rather than the Word.
I obsess over society specific standards of beauty rather than the beauty of my soul. I have cares more about pleasing the world than pleasing my husband. I have focused on my looks (weight, fashion etc) more than on God.
I believe in charity, in Christ’s call to give to the poor. But lately I have not given enough. I am well past due for a donation to one of my favorite organizations – St Jude’s.
I have not been a good steward of the time that God has granted me. I fritter away my time on social media.
This past weekend I fast it again from social media like I used to, and I think it was good for me. Social media is still good for many things, and as a housewife it can be an important way for me to connect to others around me. But too much time spent on social media is a waste. It could be put to better use educating my child, cleaning my house, reading a good book, or creating poetry. There’s so much more I could do than scroll Facebook or Instagram.
I need to be open and comfortable with how I look. I need to fully adjust dressing modestly because it’s what makes God happy and what makes my husband happy. And I think it reminds me to die to the flesh a little bit. I need to give more, whether it is of my time or money. With mental issues being the way they are it can be difficult to donate time just because it’s hard to make a long-term commitment. But I need to find some way to give of myself to my community.