My husband is cloaked
in information.
When he slips my pelerine
off my shoulders,
the heat of my borrowed home
sinks into my chest,
exhausted.
Mouth on mine,
he breathes empire into me.
Always his tongue studded
in stats.
Interested,
I absorb his mind.
I absorb everything.
I absolve the world of nothing.
My husband kisses me
with countries I’ll never see.
With all his facts he
warms my figure.
I got Angelica’s speech and tutoring appointments rescheduled. I am not leaving the house. Worn out. Very tired. Depressed.
While I am at home I hope to revise some of my poetry and get it ready. I am trying to clear my head.
I am tired. I am depressed. I need to isolate even if just for 1 day. I will definitely be eating at home tonight, because I don’t feel up to doing so much as the Taco Bell drive through. The only way I am going out at all is if my husband needs me to bring him lunch at work.
In the shadow behind the drapes,
heart aglow and beating,
living illustration of a lost
red charm.
Allergic to light,
he is happy when unnoticed.
Children talk about him.
Houseplants have faith in him.
The sun-soaked parents don’t believe.
The oysters were alive
when mother extracted
Her pearls.
It is in the dim hiding
places that being is born.
Frightened,
the children watch the feet
that peep out from under the drapes
shift.
On the first day of our trip homeward I began to go manic. I wasn’t shocked. I heard a voice while on vacation. On the way home I began seeing illusory things. The second day of travel was full blown mania. I had to take my mania medication in the morning. I slept for awhile, and when I woke up I was still manic. I had to take another. Same the next day. It has been hard to bring myself down.
Mania is rough but it happens when I am under stress. I got by most of the trip by spending time alone in our various hotel rooms. Having a private place to go made travel much better. However, I just have a hard time with being away from home and all that entails. I got a bit depressed toward the end of the wonderful road trip we took last Fall. This time, after visiting family and friends, I went full blown manic.
Right now I just want to be calm and get into my weekly routine. I am flying a bit high, but the medicine is helping a lot. Keeps me tired though.
We got home Saturday night from a trip back to the East Coast to visit family and friends. We went to TN, GA, and NC. Angelica spent time with her great grandfather, and then her grandparents in Georgia. Craig and Angelica went with my inlaws to Easter services. I WAS TOO TIRED TO EVEN GO! Part of this was that the hotel pillows were truly the most horrible pillows I have ever laid my head on. I ended up sneaking out at 330 to go to Walmart and buy some at 4 am. I had already tried folding a bath towel onto my hotel pillows to no avail.
We spent time in North Carolina and Virginia visiting a friend – relaxing, talking, shopping, eating, spending time by the water.
Just as a quick note, I am invigorating my spiritual life. I have a new devotional. Moreover, I am going to start reading and studying the apocryphal books of the Bible. Having predominantly been protestant, I was almost an adult before I knew any of these books existed. Now I want to study the books, and also see why they were removed. If they are Holy, I can learn from them. If they aren’t, I pray I can discern the difference.
The dawn makes much of me,
flooding as she does
over the delta of dark.
The cowardice of night,
the dryness on the dark,
amaze me like
the paranoia at the foot of
my bed,
gnawing his hands
and begging for bandages.
Dawn always grows up.
Noon holds me in
a vice grip,
and I yearn for my shadow
and his praise of me.
Slowly,
sun turns to chaos
and things separate.
Evening falls like linen
on my hair.
Holier,
I brave the coming dark,
already thirsty,
as the light flows
to her next season.
Miniature Moon 