In the noon glow,
the thrill of intimacy
while she maps me with
her tongue.
She knows my hips and
my secrets.
I know her shoulders,
her navel.
On the table,
my thoughts
on her sweet, moisturized skin,
my senses.
She has one finger in my world,
then her tongue on my secrets
polishing them.
I feel so private, so shy. Earlier in the week I submitted to two magazines. I hadn’t done that in a long time. There is a poet group I want to join, but I can’t even fill out the paperwork. Putting myself out there feels exhausting and violating – especially because they talk about giving readings and things like that. I have never been an extravert. In fact, I have been very introverted my whole life. The older I get, the worse it gets. There is a group of horror writers I want to get plugged into. I am excited about it, as I really love reading horror, have supernatural experiences at home, and I want to write fiction.
The thought of going to a meeting sucks my spine out of me.
Forcing myself to go would be good for me. I would love to find inspiration and meet like minded people. Being there would probably be spectacular. The thought of going gives me butterflies. Not even butterflies. It gives me moths.
Parsnip has a new enclosure that Craig built for him. It is in the library, which gives him more sun than he got in the laundry room. There are plenty of pros and cons for parsnip. He is now enclosed in a much smaller space. It’s more fun and definitely cozier, but it’s smaller. When he was in the laundry room he got to go out and run around the house a lot more. He was shut into the laundry room while we were sleeping or when I had to go to a store, but he spent a lot of hours a day running around the house. Now he doesn’t. This us partially to minimize possible future damage to the house. My little bunny has already caused trouble. Part of it is because this new enclosure doesn’t have a way to open the gate. He has to be put into his enclosure from the top. So if we let him out to run around the house and we aren’t available to really really watch him and follow him he could run into trouble. If he needs to eat, drink, or use his litter box he can’t get to it. So he can only come out of the enclosure at certain times. It was possible to make an enclosure that would allow him to get into it, but then it wouldn’t be secure enough to keep him from getting out of it. Parsnip is a fuzzy genius. Craig actually stapled the walls of the pen to the plywood.
We took Angelica out front on her skates. She doesn’t yet know how to skate per se, but she walked in the skates. Her balance was amazing – especially considering we haven’t been teaching her. We need to take her to a rink.
Mother’s Day was lovely. Good food, good gifts, good time. My daughter picked out a pretty watch for me. Craig got me two pieces of art from a local gallery, and another gift that I am not sure where he got it. We grabbed lunch at that cute little French place. I feel cherished
The naturalized sky
does not fit in here,
stylizes himself after
the hapless fop in the café.
Before the sky signed up
with us,
I was like a firefly
in a jar with no lid—
except I was too stupid
to leave.
Before sky,
we had limitless
and endangered.
Now we have a cap
binding our angels
closer to us,
and selling our demons
into our authoritarian world.
Ether is just a dandy,
the accumulation of
blue, just garish.
He doesn’t belong here.
Everyone is looking
at him.
Crows circle my condo,
nest on the roof to taunt
the hawks.
The sweet vibrations of
a busy week well up
from the foundation.
My days are painted
with doors
over a base coat of darkness.
I take my sacred wishes
out to the trash.
Crows will collect them.
Hawks grab me on my way
back to home.
The wanton thunder laps up
the silence.
Sweat from a world of
goals spills out over the street.
My skin is dry.
Oceans in my ears
receive cargo ships of lead.
Fishing in front of the shops,
the woman with
an unknowable face.
She is the only one
Who has an umbrella,
The only one who doesn’t
Need one.
I want her to speak a
language of breeze behind
my ear,
letting her fingers wander
over my shoulders then down.
The flavorful ghost of
pink will hover over us.
I have nothing to grip
but my body when her hands
dip lower
like cloth into a basin.
In my glitter book
I write stories.
Adverb symphonies,
I explain preciously.
Expediently
is always precocious.
The problem with plot
is a lack of self-awareness.
Leaving my pen to face
her fears on the precipice
of the table,
I see the morning’s
crumbs
rearrange—
spell,
but why should I care?
On the rise. Physically and mentally I am improving. I am sitting down while Angelica gets tutoring.
Craig is liking his new job and I am so happy for him. I miss him though. He is already working late hours, and he is on week one of training with his predecessor. His previous schedule constantly rotated between days, swings, and mids during the week, so he was exhausted. That schedule was awful for him and I am glad he’s done with it. However, the one advantage of that job was that we had a ton of family time. We really loved that, especially since he was just coming off a sea tour.
I doubt we will ever have family time like that again.
It is May 9th and it has been snowing today. Nothing that sticks this time, but still – it’s mid May.
Soon I will be taking Angelica on a mommy daughter date. She misses them. It has been a month now. She is going on a daddy daughter date this weekend.
I am in a state of bliss listening to lectures on Great Courses. I am diving into linguistics, natural history (dinosaurs and terror birds!!!), and dystopian and utopian fiction. It is the intellectual joy of college without the expense of actually getting another degree. I do take notes sometimes though. I can’t help myself.
Rivers of diamond water
cascade along the coast.
Men dip their hands in the water
come out like living seizures.
Coming and going in the rivers,
Laser beams.
Women on the shore
Collect sharp rocks.
Miniature Moon 