On Thursday, Craig surprised us with a trip to Royal Gorge Park. The gorge was gorgeous! At the bottom you could see the ribbon of the river running through it. Angelica got to play on the playground and ride the carousel. Craig rose across the gorge in the sky gondola. And I went ziplining across!
Today my wonderful family and I drove to the top of Pike’s Peak, a 14er in our town, Colorado Springs. The views were breathtaking. We stopped at a couple of pull offs and got some really pretty shots, and we spent a little time at the shore of the reservoir.
Unfortunately I didn’t get any pictures at the top because there was no view. There was thick cloud cover at the top. But I got some other pictures of the family and a couple of other nice ones looking down from various points on the drive.
I barely got any sleep last night, so getting up this morning was a struggle. Luckily I did get up on time to get Angelica to Vacation Bible School. She enjoyed it and at the end of the day I picked her up and watch the little closing ceremony. She refused to take part though and decided to sit with me instead, so there wasn’t much for me to see. She did show up on the slideshow once, but it was a picture of her back.
While Angelica spent the morning at Vacation Bible School, I did actually get stuff done. I won’t say it was a hugely productive day but I did some cleaning and some laundry. And as tired as I felt I am pretty proud of that. I also did some reading. And when I picked Angelica up we did homeschooling together. Despite a low mood I managed to clean, do laundry, get Angelica to and from vacation bible school and sit through the closing ceremony, and homeschool. Then we took her to the speech therapist, but that is the subject of another post. So all in all I would say it was a successful day. I will be able to cross out most of the tasks in my productivity Journal. I was too tired to write and every time I attempted painting my mind would just blank out. So I wasn’t able to do very much of the creative stuff. But I covered the essential daily tasks.
Our curriculum arrived in the mail at the end of last week, and we have worked diligently on one lesson a day since then. We are using the Christian Light Education curriculum. Specifically, the one with workbooks. It’s nice and easy because everything that you need to do in one day is laid out in one lesson in the workbook. So we get math and language-arts covered. I know where to start and I know when to stop. As a first-time homeschooling mom that is absolutely great. And the curriculum seems pretty good too. At least so far. As students go through the workbooks they frequently have to review and reuse information they have learned in previous lessons.
I decided to start Angelica with the kindergarten 2 curriculum. Kindergarten 1 seemed a little bit to basic for her age. The first grade curriculum is much more comprehensive with social studies and science, but I think the language arts and math would have been right over her head at this point. So I ordered the curriculum for the second half of kindergarten and so far we are just going along. There have been some difficulties though, and we are wondering if it has something to do with her language comprehension – or something else. Hopefully it is nothing. The first week of school can have some bumps for every kid, whether homeschooled or in public school. But between her speech issue, her problems with directions, and her difficulty playing with age-appropriate board games we are going to just check up on Angelica with a developmental pediatrician.
English is definitely Angelica’s strong suit so far. She has trouble with the math. A lot of trouble with the math. She’s having a hard time remembering how to count, although we have worked on this for a very long time – well before we started officially homeschooling. And sometimes she will get the counting right and then the next time she goes to count she will have it completely out of order. We are trying different methods to teach her, from singing to using manipulatives and toys. We will just have to see what works.
We are still using supplemental materials as well. We are using a Pre-K science book and soon we might start a geography book. I’ve been saving these books since she was two. And then of course we have flashcards of the letters and their sounds. We are using those and in a few months might start with sight word flashcards. And pretty much daily we use her dry erase letter and number tracing book. That’s really what’s teaching her how to write. She’s practicing her writing in her workbook, and she’s making some improvements each day, but it’s the dry erase book that lets her practice over and over again and gives her bigger letters to trace. Angelica makes some really beautiful letters in her dry erase book. She seems to have more fun with it too. It is so colorful.
I can’t wait until she knows how to read and I can start getting her science books to study, and books to really get into history. I suppose I could try to get some supplemental materials for those subjects now, but they’re kind of hard to find for her age group and honestly I think she’s got enough on her plate with the language arts and math. That’s a lot of learning to do each day.
I’m trying to be careful not to burn Angelica out. So far she seems to do school willingly, and even look forward to it. I want to keep it that way. Of course, school requires some level of discipline. You can’t just do school when you feel like it. Even if she gets up one morning and doesn’t want to do it we still need to work our way through the lesson, but I choose times to use the supplemental materials very carefully. So far though she has been eager.
Today we had a preliminary run for homeschooling. Angelica’s curriculum for kindergarten will not arrive for another week or so. But she has this wonderful dry erase tracing book that teaches her how to write letters and numbers. She really got into it! She liked it! We worked on the letter P, the letter R, the letter q, and the letter M, as well as the letter s. That was the hardest one though and I don’t think she has mastered it. But Angelica made great progress overall, and I think she really learned a lot so we’re going to keep using that book until the curriculum comes and maybe even after that. I hope that she continues to take joy in learning. And it was nice to have Craig help starting out, but sometimes I will be schooling her when it’s just me alone. I hope I can do a good job.
The past couple of weeks have been hectic. I visited my parents for two weeks in Virginia. Some of the trip was very nice.
Travel was extremely stressful. The trip home was especially bad. I had an anxiety attack in the middle of the Dallas Airport. Luckily there was someone else there, another Christian, who helped me and kept me company and prayed for me and helped me get through the day. Our second flight had been canceled and that’s what set off my anxiety attack. Luckily the airport staff got me on the next flight out, but that was delayed because there was some sort of problem with the plane and they had to fix a part. We got home late and I was completely threadbare by the time we did, but I was just grateful to have gotten home.
Now I have returned to my quiet house facing the mountains, and I am retreating back to my quiet life of books. When I got home I had many new packages of books waiting for me. I was ordering books while I was at my parents house, and I ordered some before I even left that just hadn’t arrived before I was out the door.
I live so much inside my own head. My passion for books is only burning brighter as I get older. Ever since the day I learned to read I have been obsessed with books, but as an adult I am absolutely immersed in them. As an introvert and a bibliophile I am one of those people who just needs a lot of time to themselves to decompress and be quiet and alone. And there is nothing I like better when I am alone than to get intimate with the corporeal and spiritual realities of a good book. A book with artistic language and fascinating imagery can thrill me for hours. I’ve been enjoying some time to myself for the past couple of hours. Craig and I went on a date today, but when we got home he was really tired because he worked last night, so he went to bed and is still sleeping. Our babysitter is here, so I am free to study great books and let my mind ignite.
I know this is only my second day back but I still feel so tired. I don’t think I want to travel alone again for a long time. Next time we travel Craig will be going with us. I will wait until he can come. I am just mentally and physically exhausted. I’m in this really weird state where I’m starting to be creative again, and I’m beginning to do my tasks as a homemaker again, but I find myself feeling worn down. I want to take a rest, but my mind won’t. At this point I am not even sure what rest would look like for me. Diving into books allows me to access myself almost as fully as writing does. At the same time all the ideas and images can run me ragged. I think I need the books and the time to read and write. I am just coming down from an anxiety attack. Sometimes after I have an anxiety attack I am tired and quiet for a few days. Maybe reading and writing and homemaking will help bring me back to normal.
A few days ago Angelica dressed her baby, Violet, up in one of the dresses she wore as a baby. She had a blast. She really loves that baby doll. I got Violet for Angelica on her third birthday. I also got her a bassinet, a bottle of juice and a bottle of milk, a baby bathtub, and some blankets and accessories to go with Violet. My hope is that she will pass Violet onto her children as I have passed my Holly and my Buffy to her. I hope to keep Violet in the family for years to come, as I do Holly and Buffy. I hope she doesn’t just have boys….
Right now Angelica is playing with Grace, our babysitter. I have been reading and writing, and I ran out for awhile. First I picked up a few new towels at Bed Bath and Beyond. Then I drove up Cheyenne Mountain. The view from there is beautiful. You can see the entire town and across the prairie for miles.
My Uncle Jerry is coming Tuesday. I am looking forward to that. He has never met Angelica before. Uncle Jerry was a great uncle to me. I am looking forward to him meeting, and getting involved with, my daughter. I am excited to see him! I haven’t seen him in five years.
We got our plane tickets to fly out and see my parents at the end of June through early July. I have only been away from home for a few months, but it feels much longer than that. I am looking forward to going to the beach with my mom and to the movies with my dad. At some point while we are there I hope to see my sister. And I know Angelica would love to hang out with Aunt Bridget.
I am down almost 10 lb in 2 weeks. My wedding and engagement rings have actually gotten looser and fit a lot better. They were too tight before. I was wearing them, I always wear them, but they were really tight. So far I can’t see a big difference in the rest of my body except that my waist is a little bit slimmer. But I know it takes time. Mostly I’ve been really pleased with myself for sticking with it. A thousand calories a day is definitely an adjustment. But so far I have been strict and firm and it’s been going great. Just the fact my rings aren’t too tight anymore shows that something is going on. And it’s harder to see a difference in yourself when you look in the mirror everyday. Often other people that haven’t seen you in a while can tell easier whether or not you’ve lost or gained weight. So I don’t know whether my weight loss is visible or not but it is possible that somebody who hasn’t seen me in a while would immediately notice a difference.
I have a long way to go but so far my results have been encouraging.
Craig and I have a ball to go to, a big one, and on Saturday we went shopping to find me a formal dress. At the first store we struck out. We went to David’s Bridal and I found a dress that fit me but I wondered if it was formal enough and it didn’t really have any style or flair. So we tried another shop across the street, a locally-owned shop. They had absolutely stunning dresses in all sizes with a lot of artistic flair. I got a dark blue dress with jewels all over it, mermaid fit, sheer up top and down the back (but not in a trashy way), sweet heart neck line, with a whole bunch of tulle that flares out at the bottom. I will definitely post pictures of it the day of the ball, which is May 11th. Tomorrow I take it in to the tailor to get it taken in, shortened, and to get bra cups sewn in.
Today the new vanity that I ordered arrived. It’s sitting on the front porch right now because the box is 80 lb and I can’t lift it or even slide it enough to get it into the house. So I just go outside and check on it once in awhile, but living on base is pretty safe. I can’t wait for Craig to put it together. I’m really looking forward to having it. It’s a beautiful vanity and having it will enable me to clear a bunch of makeup and other supplies off our cluttered bathroom counter.
As of the Saturday before last, I have been on a serious diet! I lost six pounds in 8 or 9 days. I love my diet because it is based purely on the idea of calorie deficit. No going to the gym, which I hate. No taking long walks, which hurts horribly because of my bad foot, although if someone ever fixes my foot I’ll be taking five mile walks every day in no time. I don’t have to give up any foods that I really like. I just have to eat much less of them. I take in 1,000 calories a day most days, occasionally going up to 1200 or 1300 for a special meal out or just to keep my metabolism up. It’s great because I’m realizing I actually feel better and more awake when I eat less. And I’m not missing any foods or drinks. I can have a cup of juice or a Soda Stream soda. I just have to deduct it from my daily calorie count on the MyFitnessPal app. I love that app. The only function I really use is the calorie counter, but it is so useful. It has the calorie content of many foods in its database, so you can usually just search for something and the calories will pop right up, even for many restaurants. And even when they don’t have the specific brand or restaurant, you can find the general, approximate calorie count by searching for the generic name of the food.
I really hope the weight loss continues. I’m on a diet for several reasons. The first, and what inspired me to start last week, is clothes. I ordered some beautiful dresses from a British company I love, and of the six that I bought only two fit. That lit a fire under my ass! Fundamentally, I don’t mind my weight. But I love clothes and when I can’t fit in clothes it is time to lose weight. Especially since these were not small clothes. They were size 18.
Another benefit is that losing weight makes me less likely to have a flare up of diverticulitis again and end up with another hole in my intestines and another major surgery. Not to mention the misery of wearing a colostomy bag. Doctors aren’t sure why extra weight contributes to diverticulitis, but studies have shown that it does.
Anyways, wish me luck. So far it is going really well. I hope it doesn’t stop.
FREEDOM! The outpatient program was a good, supportive program. Peak View, at least the outpatient side, is good. I finished last Friday. But when Monday morning rolled around and I realized my time was my own and I could stay home with Angelica I was thrilled. It is so nice to have my mornings and my days free. I’m free! I’m free!
Craig bought a grandmother clock at a local furniture store and it got delivered and assembled this morning. Craig loves it. I’ll admit it is a good looking clock, but that constant chiming is going to take some real getting used to. I hope it ends up feeling homey and serene, rather than being an annoyance.
Today we went furniture shopping and we did something a little bit wild. We bought two church pews. They are white and wooden and one is longer than the other. We are going to use them in the formal living room to be our seating there. I love the idea. It will be beautiful to have a little slice of the church in my very own home. Now I just have to find beautiful pillows for them. We found them at an eclectic furniture store called Platte furniture. There was a lot of really nice stuff in there, some old some new. There’s a grandmother clock that Craig is really interested in and the employees are going to see if they can get it to chime correctly again and if they can we will probably buy it. Craig really likes clocks. Angelica fell in love with a birthing chair. It’s this old, little wooden chair with handles on it and babies have been born on it. Personally the fact that people have given birth on it put me off a little bit (a lot of bare butt and vagina have probably been on that chair, along with all the products of birth) but Angelica loved it and Craig liked it too so that’s going to be a little extra piece for our formal living room.
Then we went to another store and we found a bedroom suite that we loved. It doesn’t come with a dresser and the reason is that there’s a bunch of drawers built into the sides of it and built-in underneath the bed. It also has a mirror and built-in lighting so that one partner can stay up reading while the other one sleeps. It has secret compartments. Seriously. You have to feel around and find them. It has outlets for charging phones built-in, and it has a tray on each side that you can slide out to have a place to put your drink at night. Admittedly the finish is not my favorite. Nice but not my favorite. But the functionality was unparalleled by anything else that we saw. I prefer other finishes but I absolutely love bed sets that have a lot of compartments and shelving and places for books and drawers and that sort of thing. Throw in a light for reading and I’m all set! So we bought it. The bed is being delivered on Thursday and the church pews and birthing chair are being delivered on Saturday.
Miniature Moon 