Tag: Christianity

God’s Design

Today I read something really interesting in my devotional. It talks about God wanting us to pay attention to the way He designed us. It says we should dive into the things God has designed us to naturally focus on and that we should examine where our talents lay. Our talents are God given, and they tell us something about what He would like us to do with our lives.

How did God design you? What are your gifts and passions, and how are you using them? The answers to these questions can tell you a lot about how your Creator wants you to live.

I need to give this a lot of thought, especially now that Craig has decided we are stopping at one child. Right now Angelica fills my days, but she is growing fast and will soon be grown. I only have 14.5 years til she is 18. I will only be 42 when she goes to college. How can I make sure my life is still productive and vital after she is gone? What will I do when there isn’t a little person who needs me?

I will have to find a way to harness my gifts (what are my gifts?) and pursue my passions. I don’t intend to go back into the work force.  But maybe I’ll open an art supply store or maybe I’ll volunteer through a church or start a ministry or open an art gallery or teach classes in something. I know I’ll be writing. I will write no matter what. I know I’ll be scrapbooking. I know I’ll be blogging and taking photos. These are all things that I can do in the season of motherhood and beyond to further enrich my life and keep my identity. But what causes and passions can I pursue when Angelica is grown that maybe I can’t pursue while she is young? What does God want me to do with the second half of my life, now that I won’t be raising children into my 40s and middle age?

I’m excited to find out what life has in store for me, and to design a life that my Creator wants me to have. In my devotional it talks about God being excited to take on the journey of our lives with us, and I love to think of that. Maybe God is as excited as I am about the next twenty years, and the twenty years beyond that. May God help me to craft a creative, fulfilling, accomplished life that touches the people around me.

The Excitement of Christianity

Being a Christian is exciting. I got brand new devotionals on Saturday, the first devotionals I have ever had. We went to Books a Million and I found so many I loved that I just couldn’t stop. One of them even talks about headcovering. That spoke to me immediately. But all sorts of topics are covered, and they are designed for women. One focuses on women of the Bible and verses addressed to women. Another has morning and evening reflections for each day based on scripture. Another is a Biblical meditation on finding beauty.

If you like self improvement, living creatively, creativity and art, studying, reading, and anything timeless then Christianity is a thrill. Personally, I love always having something I’m working on, and my faith always gives me new goals to accomplish. Whether it’s delving deeper into the Bible, working on my personal relationships, or practicing submission, the quest to follow my Savior always means I’m a work in progress. I like that feeling.

Worship creates so many opportunities for creative people because there are so many ways to worship God. Singing, writing, painting, crafting, graphic design, photography,carpentry, and so many other things can be used to worship God.

If you like reading, the Bible is an amazing book because no matter how many times you read it you will stumble across verses that feel brand new because you are seeing them in a new light. I recently read one page of the Bible ten times in a row and it was so thought provoking that I’m going back to that page. As I get older and have new life experiences, verses speak to me in ways they didn’t used to. One verse can apply to numerous subjects and situations. I love education and discovery, and I feel like I get an education every time I open the Bible.

Maybe one of the most exciting things about Christianity for me is that it isn’t fashionable. It’s not cool. It’s timeless and unchanging. It’s more vintage than vintage. And yet, like a dancer, my faith is flexible, pirouetting gracefully from era to era, just as full of energy and vitality today as it was at its birth.

Christ is electric ecstasy.

Iconography of a Sinner

This digital creation reminds me in feel and in color scheme of old iconography of saints, only this icon is of a sinner. The more we try to be like God the closer we will be to Him, though He is never far away.

The text is about how I connect to God. I believe in worshiping through artistic creations, loving out loud in color, and communing with God through creativity. Of course, actual communion is important too, and I’m not proud to admit how long it has been since I received communion.

The way God made me, I feel most alive when I am writing and creating. I worship through my creative endeavors, and I long to use my writing and art to bring myself and others closer to God.

Sometimes I question myself based on the verse in Jesus’s Sermon on the Mount, where He says, “Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others.” Is blogging about my faith journey and submission and headcovering practicing righteousness in front of others?  I hope not. I don’t feel more righteous than anyone else because of my headcovering, and I write about that and my faith and submission because they make me joyful, and because by writing about them I can process my feelings. I am not more righteous than the next person. I am not a good Christian, and I certainly am not trying to project a different image of myself. But I write about my faith because it is important to me, and because I would love to connect with other Christians, and especially with people who might become Christian. You never know who is reading your words and how you might affect them. Sometimes I need to remember that. I would love it if this blog was part of my ministry, if at some point it touched even one person’s life or made them closer to God. If it sends someone searching I’ll be glad. I don’t know that it ever will, but by being as open and authentic as I can and by being willing to talk about God here I think it could potentially have that effect. We aren’t supposed to do good things for the sake of public recognition, but as Christians we won’t have much of a witness if we aren’t openly Christian in public.

One thing I’ve been really struck by are the number of Muslim poetry and faith blogs. I know the Christian ones must be out there, indeed I read some of them. But so many are so commercialized and seem so impersonal. Very few are even vaguely creative or interested in creativity. Whereas one of my favorite poetry blogs I follow is Hijabii in the Rain, a blog by a Muslim girl who writes out poems, dreams, and visions. I haven’t found anything comparable on a Christian website (if you have, please, please pass it along!) and I figure sometimes you need to be the change you wish to see. So to that end I’m going to publish more poetry on here in addition to writing about my daily life and faith. I want it to be a personal and creative space.

If I ever seem self righteous, please tell me and let me know what I could have said or done differently. I just want this blog to be an extension of myself and my life, and I can’t express myself without talking about my faith at least some of the time.

Submission

The decision to have another child has weighed heavily on my mind since Angelica was born, but now I have my answer. I have taken the decision to my husband, the head of our family, and he has decided that we are not having anymore children and are making our birth control permanent.

I’ve been praying for guidance and reading Scripture, but I forgot somewhere along the way that this major life decision doesn’t fall on me alone. My husband leads and covers me, and he has the final say so. He would never force me to do something I didn’t want to do, but part of submission is wanting to follow your husband’s leadership. My husband has decided the best decision for our family is to ensure that we have no more children.

A chapter in my life has closed. I will never again bring a baby home from the hospital, or see my baby’s first steps or hear first words. I am sad that this part of my life is closed and gone forever, but I trust God. If Craig feels this is the best decision for our family, maybe the Holy Spirit has put that on his heart. At any rate, God gave me my husband to provide for me, protect me, and lead me and I trust his decision. He’s a godly man and he’s thinking of the family’s best interest and mine. He puts us first, and putting us first he concluded the best thing for the baby and for me was for me to not have more children. And if it is my husband’s choice that I not have more children, and the Scripture is pretty clear that I am to submit to my husband, then not having more children must be the right choice.

Still, it may take some time to process this. It is a major decision. But I love my husband and know he will always do what is best for the family. He takes care of us. And if he feels it is in our  best interest for me to stop having children, he must be right. And I would certainly not disrespect him or undermine his authority by insisting on having more children.

This is where the beauty of submission lies. I was so stressed out, feeling like I was facing an impossible decision alone. But I forgot not everything is my decision. Sometimes wives forget that. Our husbands are the heads of our households and if you are grappling with a major decision, well, maybe you shouldn’t be. Let your husband lead. I always try to make submission and Biblical femininity a priority, but I forgot too! This decision, which has been so hard for me, was made easy when I took the issue to my husband and listened to what he had to say. He was clear about what was best for our family and what he wanted. If I had let my husband take the lead from the beginning I never would have gone through this turmoil.

God Like a Spider

The devil is in the trees feeding off

birds and butterflies,

his grim business shattering in silver teeth.

 

God is in the trees spinning webs

Soft, silky, and verdant like a blanket of grass.

 

Spiders fear him.

 

He longs to draw me to Him,

to slip his gentle fangs in my hurt and anesthetize me,

suck out my misery and take it into Him

bleeding for me.