Plowing Through Winter

Angelica got a good Christmas break. I was sick the whole time, but she had fun and it was wonderful to have her home all day.

Angelica has a couple of lines to memorize for a school performance, so I will be working with her on those tonight.

Like everyone else, New Year’s made me think about what I want to do in 2020. I want to look into Christian publications, publish, print my digital art, and decide who I will be come for my 30s. I turned 31 in November and birthdays really make me think, especially now that I am in my 30s.

God

I walked down the road crying for milk.
I left a trace of ten behind me.

God as a musician.
God as a father.
God as a star.

I have no idea what fun is in my body.
Only dark memories of waking up yesterday
On the bank floor and covered with a foreign coin.

I chase a little,
Having more darkness in my right leg than my left.

Let the physics escape.

My milk went down warm.
I need a drink.

There are things that ordinary people don’t do,
But look.

Newspaper

Dark with coal mines and invisible cradles
I’m not enlightening.
I am not black.
here stands the misunderstanding of all His glory.

Newspaper; a decade’s worth of spandex.

Darkness circulates through the air
As a free agent in chaos.
I skip home above the ravine,
Watching the spectators struggle in the gorge.

Barbed Wire

Usually people come up with grand goals on New Years, most of which they will discard by the end up the month. I might set New Years goals as well, but right now Christmas is inspiring me to do better.

I need to be kinder. I will always have a backbone of steel. I am still the Lisa that people know and love (or hate). I will, however, try to be kinder to people in a variety of settings. I need to restrain my tongue basically. That doesn’t mean I will accept abuse. It may seem that I reiterate that entirely too much, but past experiences have taught me to stand strong. There are many wolves who seek to devour, to destroy.

I need to draw closer to the good people in my life, many of whom I have been distrustful of, and occasionally hostile too. I need to get into fewer political arguments. I will vote my conscience and you will vote yours. Unless the setting is designed for debate, I will stay out of it. That doesn’t mean I will hide what I think, but there is no need to be aggressive about it.

I need to emanate goodness. Sometimes people show me that goodness. I would rather be like them.

My life is cleaner now. It is time for a change. My circumstances have changed, and I no longer need as much acerbic language and a heart behind a wall.

This may allow me to be more myself than I ever have been in my life. I don’t believe I have to live as an emotional refugee behind barbed wire, shooting off proverbial guns anymore. I want to be the person I should be. I want God to look at my life and be pleased.

I want to make people happy. I need to learn to trust, though it goes against everything in me. Everyone needs someone they can count on to care for them, and I want friends and strangers alike to feel they can come to me.

If you need help, whether it is words of encouragement or company in the hard, glittery nights of winter, call me or come to my house. Text me or send me a message on Facebook. If you need anything else, reach out. There are so many people I wish I had gotten closer to, but shyness and emotion got in the way.

I am going to try hard. If you see something in me that crosses the line between opinionated and harsh, tell me. If you see a lack of charity in me, call me out. Whether you are someone I hang out with now, or an old friend or schoolmate, reach out to me for any reason at all. Don’t be shy.

This may be a long road with difficulties and stumbles, but I am diving in to do my best. Not just for me, but more importantly for God and the people around me. I have tried to be gentler in the past, but this is so much more than that. This is about taking my heart and burning away the dross to get to the gold.