Cooking

In the kitchen,

electric suns and a scorched

rain roiling up from the metal

crust like the flood Noah would

not have survived.

Hungry, I still turn away

from the last few seconds

of deserved and unearned life.

My life lays over me like a bib.

What bullets does it block

from my breasts?

Through the window,

filthy afternoon trudges in

from the rails like a hobo.

Every table in the dining room

is set to the music of

scoundrels naming their children.

From the kitchen,

streaming remnants of

finish lines.

Of Clowns and Flowers

The blooms along the

pearlescent highway have something to say.

Something hard, heavy, fragile as

a newborn Monday.

Pastel clowns zoom past me in minivans,

with children in the back,

their desperate faces pressed to the glass

like cling wrap.

There was a rehearsal for the

unification of everything,

but I could not find my third

piece among my things,

which found me tangy

and burnt like pie.

Bees drink the oily nectar,

imagine heaven swelling up

from the soil in a

prefabricated hive,

and something sweeter than honey.

The clowns roll past with

children ensconced in their nightmares.

Nothing is unified, but more

and more steel is soldered

together by errant bakers.

The flowers breathe,

begin to speak their piece.

Wonderful Date

Craig is a wonderful romantic. Our babysitter is back in town now, and Craig designed a lovely date for us. We started off by going to this cute little French restaurant that we like in Old Colorado City. The cheese fondue with the wonderful French bread is to die for, and the cheesecake is sublime. After that Craig surprised me by taking me to the art gallery. He knows that’s my favorite place to be, that and the bookstore. So after we went to the art gallery he took me to a used bookstore I had never gone to before. Although I like ordering new books off of Amazon, or going to Barnes & Noble, used book stores are really cool because you can find some interesting things for good prices. He bought me four new books. One is called Unequal Childhoods, and it’s a sociology book profiling kids from different families and how they turn out differently based on upbringing and their place in society. Then he bought me The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron, and her other book The Golden Vein, or something like that. And then there’s a nice book with profiles of each woman in the Bible including those who are unnamed.

After that we went to a few stores to shop for some new glassware as some of mine has recently been broken. Unfortunately I didn’t find anything I liked so I’m probably going to have to try my luck online. But it was fun to go shopping with Craig just the same. I even got to run into Staples really quickly. I love office supply stores! They are just wonderful! All the organizers, pens, folders, special books, notebooks, Etc.

I feel so grateful to have a husband like Craig. He supports me in everything. He always shows that he loves, desires, and respects me. He surprises me with little gifts that I like. He goes out of his way to make me happy. When we moved to Colorado and I had a hard time because I was lonely and in a new environment, he went out of his way to create a home for me. He bought church pews for me to make the formal living room complete. He bought us a brand new bedroom set with all the features I could ever dream of. He bought me a vanity. He bought a shoe tree for the hall to keep our jackets and shoes in one place. He has bought me beautiful lamps and other things that really make me feel at home. Now he has bought me a new sofa as of last month. He bought me beautiful blue rugs for the floor. There’s more that I’m not even naming. He knew that I missed home and missed the wonderful little house that we built in North Carolina. So he went out of his way to make our home in Colorado perfect for me, and he has. I am so joyous in my home every way. I am so pleased with my lovely home. It makes me tremendously happy. It’s decorated how I want, and it’s comfortable for me and I think for the whole family. It has a lot of personality in it and no shortage of wonderful things. My husband is so good to me.

Our date was so nice. I’ve been having a hard time lately, which I have been fixing by taking a double dose of my meds. I was so grateful that I perked up enough to be able to go on a date. Craig always knows how to cheer me up. It’s wonderful that we’ve been married more than six years and honestly it’s still like we got married yesterday. The spark is still there. Sometimes literally. There’s a lot of static electricity around here, so when we kiss there’s usually a little bit of a zap. I still feel like a newlywed. We know each other better now, although we knew each other pretty well then. We’ve built a life together and had a child together and had so many experiences together. All of those things change a person. But we’ve grown together rather than apart, and I’m so grateful.

After going without dates for a while it felt really good to get back in the swing of things. Usually we try to go on dates at least fairly often, but with the Christmas holidays and then with our wonderful babysitter being gone for 2 weeks after that there just wasn’t really much time. Now we want to get back to our somewhat regular dates.

My handsome, loving, patient, kind man.

Moths

When the man who makes moths

asked me what I thought of independence,

I told him it had already been cleared away,

a spill on aisle 90 of the syphilitic

warehouse on I-25.

There is a question in my purse

and an answer hiding in the

milk I won’t drink.

I bound my breasts and thanked

God for tension and pressure.

For his newest moths,

he asks me to raise orange lights

from the depths of my instincts.

But I have poured my instincts

like wishing wet water

into the mouth of a butterfly,

who even in the dark seeks

flowers on someone else’s estate.

Les Fleurs du Mal

This was my favorite volume of poetry in high school. I had read one of Baudelaire’s poems in my 10th grade honors English class, and when I saw an entire collection of his poems at Barnes & Noble one night I just had to buy it. At the time I was not supposed to be spending any money on books, but I went ahead and bought the book. I snuck it into the house and then for a very long time I kept it hidden under the clothes in my dresser. I would wait till everybody had gone to bed and sit by the dim light and read Baudelaire’s poetry.