Insolvent, insolent, innocent invention,
An open blister where money
And sleep sink,
Tucked in their skin.
He invented the blister,
The pit of pity.
His cash split,
Leaving him with hunger
And insubstantiality.

And yet, like a name,
The blistering invention is as
Unconscious as it is unwholesome

He needed a place for his
Incomplete necessities,
And he crafted one of dark matter,
Negative space.

Unfilled Fields

A glass spy spinning
World wide webs of fashionable metal.
Who sees you as well as
Your habits do?
In the habitual plunder
Of unfilled fields,
No one asks the neuron if she
Is tired as she stretches her
Tongue over the ungrateful pink plane.
Underneath the skilled chrome varnish,
Vermin and viciousness.

Kindle Books

Okay, so I absolutely love books. As should be apparent to Anyone who reads my blog. But the other day I did what was rather on thinkable, and the truth is it’s not the first time in the past month. I downloaded a Kindle book to read on my phone. Actually, three of them. I still ordered two normal books with wonderful scented pages and crisp covers. But the three out of five that could be purchased in an ebook format I purchased that way.

I will miss not having a hard copy of the books, but I ordered ebooks for a couple of reasons. Number one, my library is absolutely overflowing. I have over 20 books that need to be resolved and I have no idea how I’m going to fit them. We are going to have to get at least one new bookshelf if not to over the coming months and after that there’s simply no room for any more bookshelves. So something’s got to give. Some of the books I read cannot be accessed as ebooks. Like the other two that I bought. So for those kinds of books I’m just going to have to find some way to make the house work. But for any book that I can get as an ebook I probably should. We simply do not have the space to keep up with the rapid rate at which we read.

The second reason is that some of them are cheaper as electronic books. It’s not that I’m not willing to spend good money to have hard paper copy, but when you order as many books as I have been ordering recently if you can save 2 or 7 Bucks here or there it can really add up.

The third reason is that I like being able to read on the go. I do like to bring books with me when I go out sometimes, but you never know when you’re going to get stuck waiting at the car dealership or at the airport or get to the movie theater early or anything. And I just don’t always think ahead of time that I might need a book with me. By having these Kindle books on my phone I can read anywhere I am, since I always have my phone on me because it’s smaller and easier to lug.

I can’t wait to write about what I have read.

Mood Instability

For the past couple of weeks I have been on edge. High anxiety, stress, feeling over stimulated, overreacting to things, mood fluctuations. I am tired and hyped up and short tempered and withdrawn all at once. I have had a couple of days, and sometimes a few hours a day, where I feel fine. The rest of the time not so much.

I hope I bounce back on this medication. I hope it still works. I was doing great until that horribly stressful end of my trip back to Virginia. Since then, I have been unsettled.

Tomorrow I have to take Angelica to Vacation Bible School by myself and pick her up by myself. Same thing on Friday. Craig is starting his rotation again and will be on day shift. Bringing her to Vacation Bible School really shouldn’t be a big deal, but I dread the noise and the throngs and all the kids running around and the music playing. I wish I could take a Klonopin before we go, but I can’t drive like that obviously.

Lately I have been so frazzled that I crawl into bed at around 8 and I just kind of shut down. Some days I do better than others. I have been able to go to the grocery store, although I got uncomfortable, and I have been able to hang out with a friend. I have also been homeschooling Angelica. So I have had enough stability to get some stuff done and have a little bit of fun too. So this is definitely not the worst I’ve ever been . But periodically I just crack. All of a sudden I take a dive into depression or I get really irritated for no reason ¬†or I get so over-stimulated I start shutting down.

I’m trying to make the most of the time when I am doing well to do housework or to paint. Painting makes me feel better, and of course house work is necessary. And truthfully housework can even make me feel better when I am able to do some. I don’t do as much as I should, but what I do makes me feel accomplished.

I am trying to keep learning, cleaning, reading, writing, homeschooling, and painting. I’m trying to make sure that life goes on and that I am accomplishing something. But underneath things are not so good.