Cracked moon
like a mind,
or still birth balloon.
Glowing over gold fields of grain,
illuminating icy igloos,
milky white cataract of craters
crawling with crusty cultures like
a search engine.
He sees my body contort alone,
my skin cold as fright,
and if he sees my lover breathing and being
away from me
he says nothing.
Craig took me to a gigantic antique mall to browse for some beautiful odds and ends. I took some photos while I was there. I got some lovely little things and I even got a fan and a beautiful gold glittering iridescent dish. I also got some magazines to use for Erasure poetry. I don’t have pictures of what I bought but I have some gorgeous pictures of other things.
Checkered chance chews checkbooks.
Why browse for blood in a
sepulchre of bone?
I snoozed sullen
through lush yellow years,
and awoke to find a battery
operated possibility charging itself
from the mainframe of my
straying face.
Moisture requires maintenance.
The remains of a multitude
choosing at last to rest,
though dead from inception –
My silence is a blue tapestry
hanging by the old runny window.
Beneath my tongue the dream
dissolves, disheveled, voiceless.
Where his feet go,
my soul follows,
swimming through the cerulean sea,
stalking through the scorching sands,
clattering through canals.
His feet make tracks on the moon,
his ambition a horse for me to ride
to some frosted paradise.
In my tapestry,
the design of a snowflake,
sublime and thick.
There have only ever been a few science fiction novels that I have really gotten into. But I love science fiction short stories. I also love volumes of horror short stories. I will start posting some of those ones to show what I have found to be good. I am just diving into this volume but I really like it. Lots of creative and interesting story lines.
I actually have several volumes of horror, Science Fiction, and Fantasy that I need to work through. I will probably right about those as I go. Then I’ve got this book called Year’s Best Weird Fiction. And that has some dark and strange stuff in it.
Once again my lighting isn’t great, but I think that this still life is better than the last one I posted. I really enjoy the rich colors and the blurriness of everything and the ephemera that I used. Do any of you do any still life arrangements? How do you repurpose old photographs?
Craig and I were engaged in this photo, and at one of my friend’s weddings where I was a bridesmaid.
I like my little bird living in his tropical jungle, so wild.
For the past few days I have been in a mixed state. Not a full-blown mixed state, which is where you are Manic and very depressed at the same time. But rather a softer mixed state. I am hypomanic and depressed at the same time. I am agitated, struggling with patience, creating until my mind gets so tired I can’t function, obsessed with reading and bright colors and research and music, dying to be alone, wanting someone to talk to, exhausted, and unable to stop moving and thinking. Simultaneously.
Mixed states are really hard. On one hand I’m grateful that I’m still creating and using my mind and living a life. On the other hand beneath all that I still don’t feel good. I long to be alone and I can’t be until the babysitter comes back to work tomorrow. She has been away for 2 weeks. I am constantly having to bite my tongue because I feel so short-tempered that I’m even in a bad mood with my family. I don’t want to yell or say anything short-tempered or unkind, so I keep silent. I have been biting my lip a lot!
If I could do anything right now I would take some art materials and books to a hotel room and just work and think quietly by myself for a couple of days. Or I would pay for a father-daughter weekend for Craig and Angelica and I would stay home and wander from room to room by myself. The whole time I would be lost in my mind without repercussion. I am very lost in my mind now, but that is a negative thing since I am not alone.
I had to take Klonopin and a sleeping pill in order to turn my mind off and get some sleep last night. I hope I do not have to do the same thing tonight. But as long as I get some decent sleep I’ll be happy. It’s probably the only thing that can stand between me and Mania. I just pray I don’t crash into depression.
Miniature Moon 