Depression

My thoughts are gridlocked.
Red travesties everywhere,
Blue regrets blurring
Into a wistfulness that tastes
Of honey and old soap.
The dark force is here again,
Its claws reaching from my
Quivering core to silence
The voice I have watered daily
For 30 anxious years.

How can I trample someone
With more arms and legs than I?
Depression as spider winding webs
All over the courtyard of my once ebullient mind. 
Creativity needs me like the sun needs
Photosynthesis-
Which is to say she doesn’t,
But I need her desperately.

Peel the purposeless purple prose
From my prodigious mind.
Help me unearth truth,
Swimming as she does
Beneath us all
In the water table.

* Please ignore that the first lines are all capitalized. I can’t figure out how to fix that formatting problem on WordPress or in Word. It will be fixed before my book is published. This is a rough draft.

Water

Rivers run through my names, scoffing at the idea of unified identity and advantageous silt. Along one river is a boat named the Unbearable Blue. Named for Memory’s daughter – a blue so deep it makes me ache. My heart goes spastic. Horrendous banana flavored vanity leaks out on the floor like an unsupervised ocean. Help. The sharks are here with their collection of teeth and wits.

Inelegant Death

The man trapped in a rain drop drowns when he tries to smell it. The letter I wrote to you last year is pinned to a ray of sun called the Exorbitant Cuddle. My letters make mayhem with the luscious cosmos. Two drinks in and the year was drunk like the Communion wine. There is no end to the sort of suffering that will pull your heart out through your crotch. Only inelegant death, thriving.

Dreams

Circular dreams circumnavigate my life,
Forever rolling away to a lulling dreamland
Where my name makes love on the beach
To herself and my flagrant ineptitude.
Dreams are lavender fields,
The hand of God running over them,
Plucking his favorite from the crowd.
After that it’s all up up up.
God is height,
Is depth.
The stillbirth of my ambitions
Haunts me while I scrub the sand
Off the deserted desert.
Wind writes to me,
The party was fantastic!
I waltzed with Purpose.
He touched my clit
And I wept.
Caramel dreams stretch over my
Inebriated mind
With the same kind of power
A drop of water has
Eating at a rock,

Distempered Time,
Take me back to that first
Autumn morning
When Possibility held me in his arms.

Borders

Sly silky whispers
Wander through the wonders
Of my electrified mind.
Fluorescent thoughts identify themselves
As refugees
At the border of my consciousness.
We are all running.
The question is whether we run from
Or to.
Slowly,
Methodically,
Time wanders between my synapses,
Pruning blooms I tended tenderly for years.

Thoughts have names they use among each other.
I know one is named Lila and another Lorelei.
The rest are on a list floating
down the river to a sea
Filled with monsters.

Which thoughts will I permit entry?
The neon pink ones,
Jittery and cracked out?
The Kelly green thoughts hauling
Wares of wisdom?
He will cost a lot of power.
My lights flicker at the thought.
How about the putrid cyan thoughts,
Hauling their starving children up
Out of the deepest pits in a mind
Of iniquity?
Instead,
I open up to
Lemon yellow
And her sweet forgetfulness.

A Party

The wine soaked air curls
Around my hips,
My hips that once bore life
And now bears only blood
And the thrill of empty promises.

The jeweled sky pays homage to Van Gogh
While I chat with the lyrics and rhythm
Of a song I liked once.
This party has an impressive guest list.
Ambition
Lust
Greed
Credibility
Their wives eye my knock off bag
Skeptically.
It’s not really a cloud purse,
But it is made of a fine sewn mist.
I hold my head high.
I produced a rose in 16 million colors.
No one here has done that.

The night is younger than I.
The breeze is crusted with carcinogens
And no one,
I mean no one,
Wants to talk about it.
My husband puts his arm around my waist
And I remember planting the seed,
Praying for a flower I could only dream of.
Now the rain is acid,
Tastes like sour candies,
And I fear for the future of flowers.

Love Poem

This decadent night
Will be forever tattooed in my memory,
Etched in the finest folds of my
Often broken down brain.

The waves are opulent,
Flashing their white tips.
You are solid beside me,
A fantasy of a human being –
Silver hair shining under the starlight
Like mylar.

Dreams blow by us
Like coastal tumbleweed.
Breezes try to come between us,
But from now on 2 are 1.
(That’s how they do math in paradise.)
Your lips seek my yearning mouth
And you asked if you could kiss me,
And I said yes,
The exclamation mark hovering
Between us like a match.

The Hth Symphony

The Hth Symphony
As dull as licking the window pane
Flavor of CPA licensure
Or funeral home director.

It works it’s waves through the folds
Of my wounded mind,
And I remember how
The snowflake flashed “help “ in Morse code
As it glistened to death in my warm hand.

Velvet transpires with Chantilly lace
To pluck Hth out of the air,
Twist it around and stretch it,
Bleeding pink dreams as it distorts beyond recognition.

What makes you the most qualified applicant
To modernize sound for the sensibilities of the dark?
If you gather courage from the mangroves bleeding orange juice,
You may be able to tolerate the Gth symphony.
If that is too tangy an endeavor for you,
It’s chutes not ladders for you,
For the rest of your

L
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