Author: Lisa Marie

My Daily Log/Diary

I am a pretty prolific diarist. In addition to this blog, I use this colorful book right here to keep a daily log of my mood, what I am reading, my goals for the day, a prayer, and a list of what I am grateful for. I also sometimes write regular diary entries on top of my daily log. I keep a productivity journal that allows me to list my most important tasks of the day and of the week and log how much time they are taking me and what I am truly getting done. On top of that I use an app called Diaro to write brief descriptions of my day and what’s on my mind, and I attach photos. So basically I am always writing something.

I find the doing all this writing about my life and what I’m doing with it reminds me to actually try to do something with it and get stuff done. It’s also going to provide a record of family life for my daughter when she gets older. Maybe these things can be passed down for a while. And what I write on the phone app is backed up on Dropbox.

Journaling sometimes acts as a form of therapy for me. Writing can be very therapeutic. When my mood is fluctuating and I’m having a hard time, this blog and my journals give me a place to vent and sort out my thoughts. When things are going well I have a record of it to look back on when things are going poorly, or even just when I want a trip down memory lane. Writing about my creative endeavors and posting poetry and art allow me an outlet that I don’t have in my daily life for sharing creativity.

I have been an active diarist for most of my life. My uncle gave me a beautiful leather journal when I was in Middle School. It wasn’t my first Journal technically, but it was the first one that I wrote in seriously. After that I filled journals for years until something rather traumatic happened and then I didn’t write one for a long time. But since then I’ve come back full force and blogging is what I have to thank for that. That, and my love of stationery.

Woman

On the bridge of her lips I consider crossing –
my hips a sailboat with no sails.
Behind me, daisies.
Beneath me, silk drenched with dream.
In the sweet musk of human frailty
I rollick like a ship to sea
when she gazes at me,
knife to meat,
erosion to beach.
Destruction never was so complete.
Spread open like an unread book,
I am searched,
My ecstasy excavated,
Preserved in her skin,
Dissolving on her tongue.

Lost Sleep, UMW

The night before last I could not get to sleep til past midnight because my house was spiritually active. It has been for the past couple of days. That night in particular I heard loud running and banging while I was laying in bed. It went on and on. At first I thought Angelica had gotten up and was running in the hall. She does that sometimes when she is hoping we will wake up and tell her she doesn’t have to sleep in her room. So I got up and checked. No Angelica. I went to her room and she was sound asleep. And as soon as I turned my back in my room and closed the door, it started again. It lasted til past midnight.

Then at around 2 or 3 Craig woke me up when he got up. He turned the fan off and the change in ambient noise woke me up immediately. Interestingly enough, he said he turned it off because he had left it running when he went to bed (hours earlier than I did because of his early shift), and when he got up to go to the bathroom or something it was turned off. He turned it back on for himself, but assumed I’d want it turned off again when he got up.

I never turned that fan off.

So yesterday I was too tired to even homeschool. I didn’t have the clarity of mind to teach, so Craig taught Angelica when he got home. I did dishes and ran some clothes in the dryer and that was about it. I broke my social media fast because I didn’t have enough power of thought to do anything else.

Last night I got more sleep, but still got woken up around 3 – this time because of the super loud creaking of the bathroom and bedroom doors as Craig moved around getting ready for another day shift. I can’t win! I finally started to get some sleep around 5:30 or 6, and then Angelica came in to cuddle and talk. So sleep was over!

I am just trying not to let this sleep loss affect my mood. Losing sleep is sometimes very bad for me.

My volunteering with United Methodist Women begins at the end of the month. I am going to be the editor of The Torch. I am attending the meeting and then people will give their articles and meeting minutes to me over the weekend and I will put The Torch together in Publisher. Then I’ll take it to the church copy office to run copies and fold them. I am looking forward to meeting everyone (and praying my anxiety doesn’t act up). Being the editor of the monthly newsletter means I have a spot on the executive board, so I am going to try to make some of those meeting this year. Unfortunately they are all on Friday, and my babysitter has her homeschooling enrichment program on Fridays. So I can only go when Craig has the day off or has certain shifts.

I think I will volunteer for the card making ministry as well. UMW makes cards by buying simple cards and attaching the front of one to the back of a card they have made themselves with their own message inside. I can do that. I am not a card maker, but I can cut and paste. If they need donations of card to use, I may do that too. I collect some really nice cards, Hallmark and Papyrus.

 

Homeschool Victory

This morning I was able to teach Angelica to count objects as high as five. I am waiting to see if she will retain it, but I did several exercises with counting to 2, 3, 4, and 5.   She did wonderfully well on them.

We haven’t been keeping up with our math side of the curriculum. We are supposed to be on 9, but that just isn’t possible at this point.  But the fact she got up to five was amazing. She has been struggling with 2. I am hoping that it has finally clicked for the lower numbers and she will retain what she learned. Sometimes she seems to have difficulty retaining what she has learned. I did not want to push her too hard though. Angelica made such good progress in the short time we have worked so far today that I wanted to quit before she got frustrated with anything, so that she could have her first positive memory/experience with school this week. She has gotten to where she is reluctant to do school anymore because it is difficult for her. But today she was beaming because she was getting almost everything right.  I am so happy for her!

We are reviewing old lessons in the workbook. I’ve decided to backtrack. I don’t think she has truly mastered the material we have covered, so we are going to do review and activities. I am just so proud of her, and so overjoyed for her as well. I recognize we are still behind the curve, but progress is progress. And this was some tremendous progress. Now to pray that it is retained…

Daylight Dancer

In my plush, pink experience,
roses are more exquisite
dancers than I,
and it takes courage like a billboard
to be a daylight dancer.

The stones are brutal past
under blackened pressure.

Diamonds are never what they seem,
strings of ghosts like lights
around my neck.

What I write in white with
my digital digits –
a secret between my sin and the wind.

Man and Mice

A pointillist point pontificates
on how many men it takes to paint
a portrait of dramatic, carcinogenic war.

In my closet,
a gun,
in my mind,
strange acts of sex and survival.
Distinguishable by rudimentary colors,
indistinguishable by sedimentary feuds.

In my Freudian slip I attract fireflies,
corpulent river deltas,
expunged scales of seething grain.

Behind the house a man grows mice
to furnish pale places with plague.
He will slide home when the death
evaporates like hail in heat,
find himself in my wet caverns.