In July I wrote about painting my way skinny. I really fell off with that. I’m determined to start again. I want to fill my days with creativity and see if I can keep myself distracted. What I’m finding is that a lot of it is medication dependent. Some of these medications make me hungry. Really hungry. Worse, for the past few months I haven’t had a working med combination. I’m not sure what the connection is exactly, but when I was briefly on a medication regimen that worked perfectly the weight just fell off. Since my Bipolar medication burnt out it has been a steady downhill. My weight has stayed in the same five pound range. But I have no luck actually losing any weight. I have been stuck between 159 and 164 for months.
My goal is not actually to be skinny. I don’t really care about being skinny, my husband likes me as I am, I want to eat foods I actually like, and I don’t really want my weight to be a major focal point in my life like it was when I was younger. I would like to lose another 10 or 15 pounds though. I really need to make that happen. I need some sort of inspiration to get started again. Painting might be the answer or at least part of it. It’s something that keeps my hands busy and the paint is always in my laundry room studio. I’m not a great painter. I’m not even trying to be. But I could play with all those colors for hours and still not be tired. The colors, the textures, everything is great. I have no desire to learn how to paint a tree or a flower and especially not a person. All I want is color and line and texture.
What else can I use? I’m trying to keep peppermints around the house so if I want to taste something good and I want to have something in my mouth I can have something low calorie. I think that might help. I also need to drink more. I’m not sure how true this is but I have read that some of the time we think we are hungry we are actually thirsty, so when you feel hungry the first thing you should do is drink something. If you’re still hungry after that you probably actually need some food. But if you drink a big glass of water and you feel better then you just saved yourself a whole bunch of calories. I need to drink more, use peppermints, paint more often, and maybe find an additional outlet. I might go back to making random collages that combine different photos and paintings on my phone. They don’t look professional, and in fact look pretty crazy, but they’re enjoyable to make and I like the process of going through all sorts of photos to find my layers. More importantly, it’s something I can do while sitting on the sofa watching a show. A lot of the times when I’m eating or snacking it’s just something to do while I watch a TV show. Watching TV is not my favorite thing and I certainly don’t watch it all day, but there are a few shows I like and it’s not uncommon in the evening when I’m tired for me to sit down and watch a show. I need something else to do while I’m watching TV.
I’m setting goals and hopefully by writing them out like this I’m going to give myself a sense of accountability to actually achieve them.