Month: April 2018

Weight, Gown

I am down almost 10 lb in 2 weeks. My wedding and engagement rings have actually gotten looser and fit a lot better. They were too tight before. I was wearing them, I always wear them, but they were really tight. So far I can’t see a big difference in the rest of my body except that my waist is a little bit slimmer. But I know it takes time. Mostly I’ve been really pleased with myself for sticking with it. A thousand calories a day is definitely an adjustment. But so far I have been strict and firm and it’s been going great. Just the fact my rings aren’t too tight anymore shows that something is going on. And it’s harder to see a difference in yourself when you look in the mirror everyday. Often other people that haven’t seen you in a while can tell easier whether or not you’ve lost or gained weight. So I don’t know whether my weight loss is visible or not but it is possible that somebody who hasn’t seen me in a while would immediately notice a difference.

I have a long way to go but so far my results have been encouraging.

Craig and I have a ball to go to, a big one, and on Saturday we went shopping to find me a formal dress. At the first store we struck out.  We went to David’s Bridal and I found a dress that fit me but I wondered if it was formal enough and it didn’t really have any style or flair. So we tried another shop across the street, a locally-owned shop. They had absolutely stunning dresses in all sizes with a lot of artistic flair. I got a dark blue dress with jewels all over it, mermaid fit, sheer up top and down the back (but not in a trashy way), sweet heart neck line, with a whole bunch of tulle that flares out at the bottom. I will definitely post pictures of it the day of the ball, which is May 11th. Tomorrow I take it in to the tailor to get it taken in, shortened, and to get bra cups sewn in.

Today the new vanity that I ordered arrived. It’s sitting on the front porch right now because the box is 80 lb and I can’t lift it or even slide it enough to get it into the house. So I just go outside and check on it once in awhile, but living on base is pretty safe. I can’t wait for Craig to put it together. I’m really looking forward to having it. It’s a beautiful vanity and having it will enable me to clear a bunch of makeup and other supplies off our cluttered bathroom counter.

In My Golden Cage

The doctor takes an x-ray

of a balloon,

finds bone tumors.

Illness permeates the party.

I dance in a bird cage.

The door is open,

but I can’t get out.

Depictions of parrots on the wall,

the sordid light on repeat.

Masses of bodies,

shivering to a twisted music.

I give my teeth to a nun.

Salvation waits in the curvature

of this cornerless room.

My breathing wet,

I wring out my words.

Lost,

broken,

Brave,

malfeasance,

mirror.

In my golden cage I know nothing,

dream of silver silence.

Irenic

My elation is straying.

Irenic,

My eyes close.

 

The man behind the curtain is hollow,

and the curtain has thousands

of loathsome love letters pinned to it.

 

My rabbit opines on my snowing skills.

The cold,

a little caustic,

Agrees.

 

In the refurbished grass

a wild warren dines.

I walk over,

pale as a breeze,

to feast.

 

Unravel. Revel.

Rolled in my silk sulk,

I am not purchased.

 

Rings,

roses,

so many odious pounds of plague

lurking in the water.

 

Kilowatt kilometer killing

 

Electricity winds through the wind.

 

I need an old marble career. Bees all have careers,

ambitious buzzing bees bringing fresh honey to my nude mouth.

My silken sulk vanishes,

unraveled. Revel.

Citrus Wars

Tangerine wars have been waged

on this page of history,

And the man in the dark gray jacket is about

to turn the page,

and the new page is plastered with little boys.

Some grow lemons.

Some grow limes.

At the bottom of the page

the great Citrus Wars break out

like measles in a less half hearted century.

I am the virus that stalks through the trenches,

muting and murdering.

This war so tangy and pulped,

is only a mid day snack.