Guide the Leopard Home

With rainbow ease I
sew my image on the mirror.
I have not blinked in days,
and now I see through
clouds to the dancing dead
shimmering in copper.

When I was born
(between songs)
my self was already old
and imprinted in glass.
When my face begins to crack
the glass will implode.

My self was born some time
between yesterday and
happily never after.

I need mirrors to make me remember
the things I once had memorized,
the monotheistic candle wicks
I must light,
To guide the leopard home
through the silo of night.

Self so stiff and soft,
stitched ad infinitum
in eternity.

3 New Canvases

I will start with my two favorites, the ones with texture. I like the third one too, the one where I use the Golden Fluid acrylics, but I’m really loving texture right now.

All the paint is dry.

3D painting

The one in the middle reminds me of a bacterial colony. The one at the bottom I call Rage. The one at the top I think I’m going to call Alone Time.

These are my latest adventures in painting, although I already have the canvases primed over again with gesso. Once the gesso dries and the base layers paint, I’ll get started again on something new. I think I’m going to start using hair combs to spread the paint around. And maybe an extra hairbrush if I can find one.

 

More Canvases

My attempts at painting are continuing. I have three little canvas boards that I have been working on over and over again, photographing them at different stages. I’m playing with different applicators to get the paint on the canvas. Right now I’m using a metal Brillo pad. I’ve also got some toothbrushes to use with my paints. Haven’t used those yet though.

I have used all three kinds of acrylics that I have. I can’t wait to get more colors, but for now I will work with what I got. I’ve been flicking paint and layering paint and scratching paint away and using molding paste to make my paint stand up into sharp little points. I can’t wait to get some photographs of those. Hopefully I can capture the effect.  I don’t know if anyone else will like them, but I’m having fun! I like texture and 3 dimensionality.

These are some images I painted earlier in the week. I wasn’t really trying to do anything fancy with them, but I think they turned out interesting. The first one, as you might be able to guess, it’s called Aquarium. The second one is called Night Out. I made the black underlayer extremely glossy, and used metallic paint for the gold flecks

Christian Bookstore, Diet, Domain Name

Angelica has been going to Vacation Bible School this week. She seems to be having fun and they do nice activities. Today she got a little picture frame to take home with Legos around the border. So far though when we talked to her it doesn’t seem like she’s actually learned anything. Maybe the messages will sink in later. But we ask her what she learned about God and she’ll say well we played. Then we’ll say, what did you learn about Jesus? And she’ll say we danced.

Craig has been home for the past few days because it is the time in his rotation where he gets a few days off. So we have been spending the mornings together running errands or just enjoying some quality time before we pick up Angelica. We love the Christian bookstore we went to. So many good books! And there are a lot of homeschool supplies too.

My diet is going well, knock on wood. I think I need to cut back a little more but I am still losing weight. I am so grateful for that.

I’m trying to pick a domain name for this site. I have done a little bit of remodeling on the page, and I would like to go ahead and buy a domain and make everything complete. Plus, if I buy hosting I get more memory. And I’m running low on memory. I’m considering several options for names, but I’m open to suggestions.

I am probably overthinking it, but this is my special little space on the web and I want it to have a good name. I’m torn between something functional, like the Veiled Housewife, and something creative/poetic like October Glow. More people will find the first one, and as I write about head covering and submission sometimes it might make sense. Plus, I like reading blogs by other stay at home women, so it might be nice to be listed as one. At the same time I really like the idea of something super creative and poetic, even if it will never show up in a search engine and some people might not understand why it has the name it has.

Some ideas:

Filigree Moon

November Snow

Sapphire Sea

Pelerine Journal

Red Telephone

Glitter Ghost

 

Invention

Insolvent, insolent, innocent invention,
An open blister where money
And sleep sink,
Tucked in their skin.
He invented the blister,
The pit of pity.
His cash split,
Leaving him with hunger
And insubstantiality.

And yet, like a name,
The blistering invention is as
Unconscious as it is unwholesome

He needed a place for his
Incomplete necessities,
And he crafted one of dark matter,
Negative space.

Unfilled Fields

A glass spy spinning
World wide webs of fashionable metal.
Who sees you as well as
Your habits do?
In the habitual plunder
Of unfilled fields,
No one asks the neuron if she
Is tired as she stretches her
Tongue over the ungrateful pink plane.
Underneath the skilled chrome varnish,
Vermin and viciousness.

Kindle Books

Okay, so I absolutely love books. As should be apparent to Anyone who reads my blog. But the other day I did what was rather on thinkable, and the truth is it’s not the first time in the past month. I downloaded a Kindle book to read on my phone. Actually, three of them. I still ordered two normal books with wonderful scented pages and crisp covers. But the three out of five that could be purchased in an ebook format I purchased that way.

I will miss not having a hard copy of the books, but I ordered ebooks for a couple of reasons. Number one, my library is absolutely overflowing. I have over 20 books that need to be resolved and I have no idea how I’m going to fit them. We are going to have to get at least one new bookshelf if not to over the coming months and after that there’s simply no room for any more bookshelves. So something’s got to give. Some of the books I read cannot be accessed as ebooks. Like the other two that I bought. So for those kinds of books I’m just going to have to find some way to make the house work. But for any book that I can get as an ebook I probably should. We simply do not have the space to keep up with the rapid rate at which we read.

The second reason is that some of them are cheaper as electronic books. It’s not that I’m not willing to spend good money to have hard paper copy, but when you order as many books as I have been ordering recently if you can save 2 or 7 Bucks here or there it can really add up.

The third reason is that I like being able to read on the go. I do like to bring books with me when I go out sometimes, but you never know when you’re going to get stuck waiting at the car dealership or at the airport or get to the movie theater early or anything. And I just don’t always think ahead of time that I might need a book with me. By having these Kindle books on my phone I can read anywhere I am, since I always have my phone on me because it’s smaller and easier to lug.

I can’t wait to write about what I have read.

Mood Instability

For the past couple of weeks I have been on edge. High anxiety, stress, feeling over stimulated, overreacting to things, mood fluctuations. I am tired and hyped up and short tempered and withdrawn all at once. I have had a couple of days, and sometimes a few hours a day, where I feel fine. The rest of the time not so much.

I hope I bounce back on this medication. I hope it still works. I was doing great until that horribly stressful end of my trip back to Virginia. Since then, I have been unsettled.

Tomorrow I have to take Angelica to Vacation Bible School by myself and pick her up by myself. Same thing on Friday. Craig is starting his rotation again and will be on day shift. Bringing her to Vacation Bible School really shouldn’t be a big deal, but I dread the noise and the throngs and all the kids running around and the music playing. I wish I could take a Klonopin before we go, but I can’t drive like that obviously.

Lately I have been so frazzled that I crawl into bed at around 8 and I just kind of shut down. Some days I do better than others. I have been able to go to the grocery store, although I got uncomfortable, and I have been able to hang out with a friend. I have also been homeschooling Angelica. So I have had enough stability to get some stuff done and have a little bit of fun too. So this is definitely not the worst I’ve ever been . But periodically I just crack. All of a sudden I take a dive into depression or I get really irritated for no reason  or I get so over-stimulated I start shutting down.

I’m trying to make the most of the time when I am doing well to do housework or to paint. Painting makes me feel better, and of course house work is necessary. And truthfully housework can even make me feel better when I am able to do some. I don’t do as much as I should, but what I do makes me feel accomplished.

I am trying to keep learning, cleaning, reading, writing, homeschooling, and painting. I’m trying to make sure that life goes on and that I am accomplishing something. But underneath things are not so good.